


Someone You Loved

by Lykao



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Flashbacks, Past Relationship(s), Post-Game(s), References to Depression, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21755404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lykao/pseuds/Lykao
Summary: Max thought he had everything figured out after the trip to Scylla. That the world suddenly made more sense, life made more sense. It seemed perfect in the moment. But in the years following his departure from the Unreliable he realized that wasn't what calmed his warring mind and heart.He got used to the love he knew was temporary, and the aftermath might just drag him under.
Relationships: The Captain/Maximillian DeSoto
Comments: 14
Kudos: 67





	1. The Day Bleeds

**Author's Note:**

> The song "Someone You Loved," by Lewis Capaldi came on randomly today, and this story just sort of happened, and I've been listening to this song way too much now lol If you don't know the song, I'd recommend listening to it before or after you read this :) And because since starting The Outer Worlds Max has become one of my favorite characters and I wanted to give writing him a shot! 
> 
> There are a few spoilers but I changed some things as well so it's not exact. 
> 
> There will be a two parter, and I'll hopefully have the next part up shortly. 
> 
> Also italics are flashbacks for this story!

The aged whiskey burned his throat as he looked out on the empty field in front of his home. The taste on his tongue just bringing back memories he desperately held onto and wished away in equal measure. Throughout his life Iceberg Whiskey seemed to follow Max. His first drink as a teen, his first time drinking far too much, his first drink after leaving home, and the drink he tasted on the lips of the woman who plagued his every thought, the first time they made love. 

He chuckled at the thought himself. He romanticized the event far too much. Made love made it sound like they actually declared something and fell slowly into the night. When in reality the drinks riddled their lust-filled brains causing them to finally act on the anticipation that had been building between them for months. Animalistic and needy. 

-

_Humming happily, Alex called out to the man standing by her desk, “Any whiskey left in there Vicar?”_

_He turned with a smirk as he held up the empty bottle, his smirk dropping as his eyes roamed over her body once more. Spent from their escapade a few minutes before, the Captain lay lounged out on her bunk on full display to him, the lazy smile still gracing her features._

_“Damn it,” she mutters glancing from the bottle back over to his face. “You’re just going to have to give me another taste yourself,” she smirked, beckoning him closer._

_He raised an eyebrow but complied with the request out of curiosity, “And how, pray tell, am I to do that Captain?”_

_Her hand trailed lazily up from his leg to his chest before lightly grasping the soft hair there she could manage to hold. A slight tug and her eyes flickering to his mouth was all he needed to know her intent._

_Straddling the woman before him on the bunk, his lips press to hers as her tongue slipped into his mouth, a happy hum coming from her once again._

_-_

Shaking his head violently, Max poured himself another glass as he tried to think about something else. Anything else. 

He felt himself slipping more and more lately. He’d thought he had everything figured out after the trip to Scylla. That the world suddenly made more sense, that life made more sense. It seemed perfect in the moment. 

In the months and years following his departure from the Unreliable he realized it wasn’t some revelation from a drug fueled hallucination that gave him the feeling and being content as he thought. It wasn’t actually about the Plan, his destiny, or proving he was a good man. 

It was the people beside him that stuck with him through his lies, revelations, and general jackassery that did it. The crew that became a family to him. And the Captain. 

Looking back on his life the amount of anger and scheming that dragged him down was in stark contrast to the reception he received on board the Unreliable. And each step he took to further his own agenda while on it, each revelation and plan he made, each memory had one face in all of them. The same beautiful understanding face. 

She never judged him. Never punished him for his deceptions. Never drew away when his ‘enthusiastic violence,” reared its ugly head. Through it all her hand went from patting his back, to holding his hand, and lastly laid over his heart. 

-

_A soft chuckles leaves Max’s mouth as he glances down at Alex who seemed preoccupied with his chest hair once again. “Am I going to have to shave that?”_

_“Please don’t,” she mutters as she lays her hand flat on his chest, the gentle thump of his heart under her palm._

_She looked serene and at peace in the moment, “I just want to feel you.”_

-

His breath catches in his throat as his hand absentmindedly went to his chest. His heart pounds rapidly under his fingers as he tries to calm himself. 

He could feel himself being pulled under by his thoughts once again. His insecurities, his shortcomings, who he was. And this time Alex wasn’t here to soothe it away. 

Thoughts of looking for her passed his thoughts occasionally, but after their last conversation, he felt like he was the last person she wanted to see. 

-

_“I’m doing all I can Max!” Alex yells as she stomps through the Unreliable as the Vicar chased after her._

_“Well this isn’t good enough,” he snarls back. “What are you going to do about this? Are you just going to turn your back on all those colonists?”_

_“I don’t have many choices at the moment, Maximillian,” she seethed back, still refusing to look at him._

_He finally grabs her shoulders as he corners her on the ship, “The Alex I know wouldn’t let all those people die. She wouldn’t turn her back on her people, she wouldn’t just turn on everything she’s been trying to achieve,” he shouts as he turns her to face him. His green eyes bore into her own as he could swear he seen something shatter._

_“I don’t know what Alex would do,” she said quietly._

_His anger seething through him, “What kind of fucking answer is that? Of course you know what you would do.”_

_“My name isn’t Alex,” she admits quietly after a moment, her eyes still locked on his. “My name isn’t Alex Hawthorn.”_

_Max’s grip relaxes on her as his jaw slacks similarly, “Wait, what?”_

_She pulls herself from his grasp, turning away from him before softly uttering, “You should go.”_

_“You just tell me you’ve been lying about your name and then tell me to just go back to my room?” He demands, his hand going back to her shoulder._

_“No, I told you I’m a liar, I have no idea what I’m doing, and you should leave this ship now.”_

_His heart sank at her words, refusing to let go as she tried to shrug his grasp away, “I… Alex no.”_

_“I’m not Alex, Max,” she sighed heavily. “You need to get your things and leave. You should be able to find transportation to wherever you need from here. It’s better if you leave now.”_

_“You’re just going to tell me to leave, now?” he asks, barely believing his ears. “After.everything?”_

_“It’s for the best.”_

-

Putting his head in his hands, he recalls gathering his things and stepping off the ship for the final time as the crew minus it’s captain wished him goodbye. As he walked away he saw her briefly in the window of the cockpit, a look of sadness on her face he had sworn he’d never be the one to cause. And he walked away.

The years that followed had him bouncing from place to place helping colonies to the best of his ability. The Captain had in the end saved the colonists and brought the uprising against the Board, a move that left many confused and struggling. 

As things had seemed to slow down, and the colonies began to function on their own, Max had decided to find a quiet place to retire to. Live out the rest of his life in peace he thought. 

However hard he tried to convince himself, his heart and his mind didn’t believe it. And he knew he was far from at peace. He never had to pick up his shotgun, but the battle in his mind was more turmoil than the fiercest battle of his days on the ship.

Part of him always wondered if she healed his heart and mind, or just numbed the pain until he found himself once again alone. He’d resigned already that even if it was just numbing, he missed the way it felt. 

As the light started to dim on the day, he stood and stretched, the whiskey making his mind swim again. Always to her. Always to his shortcomings. 

What could he have done differently? The dangerous question as he liked to call it. What if he hadn’t confronted her that morning? What if he hadn’t been such a jackass on the ship? What if he’d had her back like she always had his? Would this be different? 

Thoughts of her in the chair opposite of him and children racing through the home brought him happiness and sadness. What maybe could have been? Or maybe he’s just gotten more sentimental in his age. As if she’d have wanted to settle down, with him of all people. 

The age gap had always nagged at him, but never felt that much older than her when they talked. The way she spoke was beyond her years… well beyond her _awakened_ years. But he saw the looks she got. The drinks the young men bought her at the bars. The flirty whispers and promises of dates they offered. They made his blood boil. Not just in their interest in her, but in their youth. A man around her age that could give her the family life most people hoped for. No one her age hoped for a family with a man in his fifties. 

-

_Alex leaned forward from the seat opposite to him in his room on the ship and ran her fingers through his hair in a gentle manner, something he always found relaxing._

_“What do you think you’re doing captain,” he murmured as he enjoyed her touch._

_“I just like to play with your hair,” she admits with a shrug. Wrapping a strand of hair around her finger she grins, “What a silver fox you are.”_

_Heat crept up his face as he tried to look away from her content expression, “I- what does-“ he coughs awkwardly and thumbs at the pages of the book in front of him._

_A light airy laugh leaves her lungs as her hand grazed down his cheek and and jaw before swiping over his bottom lip, “Forgive me Vicar, I’ve sinned.”_

-

Max shivers at the memory, and the memories that followed it. His looks had never been something he put much thought into. What with his research, vicar duties, prison. There hadn’t been much time to pay attention to how the years wore on him. 

At least not until her beautiful smile was directed at him, and he became far more aware of his age. Particularly in comparison to her. But she looked at him as if… like she was looking at something she treasured. Lust, love, happiness. The looks she gave him even in his worst moments. He had gotten used to being the one she loved. 

Going back into his home, Max falls into his bed, squeezing his eyes shut he allowed himself to think about the nights he spent in her arms. The one place he always felt safe, secure, and like he was where he belonged.

-

Days, weeks, and months seemed to pass by Max faster than he was able to keep up. He stuck to his routine. Breakfast. Gathering and chopping wood. Cleaning his home. Lunch. Working out in the yard. Fixing whatever fell apart. Drink whiskey until the hole in his heart and head seemed to not ache quite as bad, then pass out in bed alone once again. 

The only escape from the monotony was the monthly visit to the nearest town for supplies. Even that had become so routine he didn’t look forward to it as much as he used to. The longer he lived alone the more he realized his social skills lapsing further into jackassery than he’d been before. 

Preparing for the monthly outing, he put on his casual warm clothes, and ran a comb through his hair and the short beard he’d allowed to grow since his retirement. 

The trip there was uneventful, and his shopping went as usual… until his final stop. The owner of the small shop looked at him nervously as he used the vending machine, his interest officially piqued. 

“Um, Vicar, sir,” the owner finally manages to stammer out as Max turns around to face him. 

Forcing a smile to his face, he puts on his best Vicar tone, “How can I help you?”

“Well, there was someone here looking for you,” he states. 

Max’s smile drops from his face immediately, his mind racing through a potential of people looking for him. He wasn’t looking to go back into the fold and work again, and he certainly didn’t want any trouble with those who might have felt slighted from his prison or Unreliable days. “What did they look like?” he manages to ask. 

“I’m not sure sir, they had full armor on,” the owner shrugs. “But I informed them of your general location, and they were to set out this morning to find you.” 

Max cursed the man in his head, but swallowed hard and nodded, “Thank you for the information, I should get going then.”

On his way back to his home, his mind continued to race on possibilities of who was waiting for him there. Settling on it probably not being a friendly visitor, his hand took ahold of the knife he kept on his belt. 

Slowly approaching the house, nothing looks amiss. There’s no one there. His door is closed. Surveying the area there doesn’t appear to be anyone laying in wait for him.

Quietly approaching his home, he unlocks the door quickly and lets himself in, a sigh dropping from his as he realizes he had hoped for the impossible. 

“That’s a heavy sigh for a reunion.”


	2. Let My Guard Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After five years of restless nights apart, Max and the Captain are reunited.

Max whips around quickly, his knife in hand before the voice registers in his brain. “Alex- Captain?” he questions hesitantly as he makes out the shape of a body on his couch in the dark. 

Flipping the switch next to her, the Captain’s face is lit up by the lamp to show a guilty smile and the pile of armor on his floor. “Max.”

His knife falls to the floor as he stares at her slack jawed, his thoughts racing as he took in her form. Her hair shorter and a few more scars than when he last saw her, but still the same woman that haunted his every thought. 

“I’m sorry,” she says softly as her gaze drifts away from him and she picks at her nails. 

He continues to stare at her before regaining control of himself long enough to mumble a reply back, “For what exactly?” 

“For… everything,” her shoulders slump. “For the argument. For my stubbornness. For kicking you off the ship with no explanation. For not listening. For lying. And for allowing myself to enjoy… the arrangement between us under false pretenses.”

“You regret our relationship?” he asks, his chest tightening as he lowers himself into a chair across from her. Her words sting his heart, and seeing her in front of him after all these years felt like torture. 

“No,” she sighs before meeting his gaze. “I could never regret a moment of our time together. But I regret letting it happen when I knew I was deceiving you. You got into bed with Alex Hawthorn. You held Alex. You lov- you cared for Alex,” she quickly corrects. “I’m not Alex.” 

“It hurt,” he admits slowly. “It still hurts that you couldn’t trust me with that information. But I cared for the woman that led us through every backwater, mechanical infested, outlaw ridden place this side of the fucking galaxy and still found time to help me, even when I deceived her. I still care about that woman. Alex or not. Whether that’s reciprocated or not.” 

A smile tugs at her lips at his words, “I still love my Vicar.”

Max’s eyes widen. She’d never said that. They’d never said that. It took him years to even realize it himself. He tries to hold his composure as he chooses one of the questions that had been plaguing him. “Why did you make me leave?” 

“I… couldn’t lie any longer,” she clasps her hands together. “And I couldn’t stand the look on your face that I caused. I couldn’t drag you through all of it any longer. I was about to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. Something that could have gotten us all killed. Turn us into Halcyon’s most wanted. The rest of the crew joined because they had nowhere else to go, or they wanted to make bits, or other reasons that brought them there. You… you joined for your book. You had achieved your goal, and you stayed for me. And yet I still stood before you with a mask and dragged you along through missions that you had no need to throw your lot into. I wanted you to be safe. I wanted you to live your life. I couldn’t hijack it any longer.” 

They sit in silence as they both ponder her words, unsure how to proceed. He’d spent years thinking on his mistakes that led to the path they took, what happened that day. If this was truly his Path. And it turns out she was trying to do right by him. 

“I still love my Captain,” he mutters so quietly he isn’t sure she could hear, until her head snapped up to gauge his expression. 

“Rayne,” she states simply, her eyes baring into his own.

“What?” he questions. 

“Rayne Taylor. My real name,” she admits sheepishly. “Earth scientist, Halcyon’s pain in the ass.” 

“Rayne,” he repeats as his eyes soften looking at her. “It fits you.” 

She swallows thickly as her suddenly dry mouth makes it hard to respond. Her name. Her real name on his lips. It had been seventy-five years give or take since she’d heard it attempted at all. It never seemed special to her when she was on Earth. But on his lips it sounded special. 

Her cheeks flush red under his gaze, finding it hard to hold his eye contact. For years her dreams both day and night fixated on the Vicar, on how things could have been, on what she’d say if she was ever able to speak to him again, all out the window sitting in front of him finally unmasked. 

“My father was a scientist,” she says after a few moments. “My mother was a free-loving spirit. Complete opposites,” she chuckles as her mind wonders back. 

“She protested at the lab he worked for. That’s how they met. The buttoned up scientist that lived by the books, by what was meant to be right. And the fiery artist that blew up any injustice she felt attacked the world around her,” she adds. “At least that’s how dad always told it.”

“Sounds familiar,” he comments, a small smirk on his lips. 

“I couldn’t topple a government if I didn’t have a little bit of a rebellious streak in me,” she teases. 

“A little bit?” he throws back, that glint in his eye she’d missed from their late night talks. “What were their thoughts on your acceptance onto the Hope?”

Rayne ponders quietly before reaching a hand out toward Max, one he quickly accepts into his own, relishing the feeling of her hand in his once again.

“My mother wasn’t around when it happened,” she admitted slowly. “She’d died when I was twelve. My father raised me alone after that. He was proud of me when I was accepted. His scientific self was beyond excited about my opportunity. He tried to act like he was fine with me leaving. But I don’t think he was.” 

Max squeezes her hand gently as she speaks, a slight nod for her to continue when she pauses. 

“I was so focused on the discoveries I wanted to make, what I wanted to do. I never stopped to think that I was leaving him all alone. Something I didn’t realized until I woke up here and found out it had been seventy years. He was long dead. Everyone I once knew was long dead. Everything had gone wrong. I gave up the life, the family, the friends that I had for a scientific adventure that went piss poor. I went from Rayne the scientist comfortable in my life and excited for new things to come, to Alex the mercenary desperately trying to not let her mask slip and let the crew see who she really was. I wanted to tell you everything. I was scared once I told you, you’d leave. You were the one piece in my life that…” trailing off her sentence she looks down at the hand holding hers. 

“The one piece that what?” 

She sighs, biting into her bottom lip and her eyes dart to one spot on the wall. “The one piece that made me feel like maybe I was supposed to be here. That maybe I did make the right decision. If I hadn’t boarded the Hope I’d never have met you.”

A shiver runs up his back at the thought. He’d spent his whole life studying and pondering the Law and the Path they each follow. When she’d first appeared in his chapel she felt like a force of nature. More energy rolled off her than anyone he’d been around in years, and eyes that demanded his full attention.

He could have figured out a way to get that book himself eventually. But with her standing in front of him, he knew he needed a way to bring her back. Something to bring her back to him. And the book did need finding. 

Bringing himself back to the moment he strokes his chin as he looks at her, “Since you’re being honest, could I ask what you first thought of me when you walked in my chapel the first time?” 

Her cheeks flush as she thinks back and her gaze leaves his, “That you were devastatingly handsome. You looked up at me and made my brain feel like it had turned to mush in about two seconds. And that you were too nice. It seemed fake. I agreed to get your book because at the time my brain just wanted handsome man to smile at me, I hadn’t been laid in seventy years mind you, don’t judge me.”

A chuckle leaves his lips as his thumb runs along her knuckles, “And after you gave me the book?”

“Oh I was surprised, but the minute you started swearing it was as if.. ‘Ah there’s the real person’” she shrugs as thinks back. “When you asked to join and mentioned being a decent shot and a hacker, I was excited at the prospect of getting to… unravel you in a sense. Though I suppose I unraveled you in more than one sense.” 

“That you did Captain,” he agrees, his cheeks heating up as well.

A heavy silence settles between the two, neither knowing what to say next. His eyes drifted up to her face to see her chewing on her lip as she gripped his hand tightly. 

Watching her worry her lip between her teeth was going to drive him mad, he decided. There was much to say. Much to discuss. Much to fix. But by the law he just wanted to kiss her. 

One hand still holding hers, his other slowly goes to her cheek. Gently caressing the skin under his fingertips, but leaving room for her to pull back if she chose. 

But she didn’t. 

His heart beat faster as he released her hand to bring up his other hand and cup her face. Her eyes stared into his own, waiting for his next move. 

Leaning in, his lips brush over hers lightly, her warm breath playing off them as he asks her silent permission. 

Her lips press into his own as her arms cling to the front of his shirt. His eyes flicker shut, allowing himself to got lost into the intoxicating scent and feeling that is uniquely his Captain. 

In no time he finds her straddling his lap as their kisses grow more urgent. Her touch, her scent, her weight on him. All feeling more necessary than the air itself in his lungs. 

Carefully standing up, Max grips her legs as they wrap around his waist and he carries her toward the bedroom. 

Pressing her back to his door, his kisses trail down her neck then he stops to look at her, “If you don’t want this, tell me to stop now.”

Her fingers card through his greying hair as she she stares back at him, “I want you Max.” 

A shiver runs up his spine at her words, a quick nod coming from him before his hand goes to the door handle, and his lips back to hers.

-

Max’s eyes flicker open to the morning’s light streaming in from the window into his eyes. Muttering under his breath at the intrusion, he stretches out in his bed, freezing when his arm makes contact with something in his bed. Leaping up quickly, he whips around to see the captain with a smirk across her face. 

“Max I don’t think think the whole ‘getting away before they wake up’ works when it’s your home,” she teases, also stretching in the bed, the covers falling from her unclothed frame. 

“You’re here,” he exhales deeply, “You’re really here.” 

“Did you think I would disappear in the night?”

“No- I-,” he backpedals quickly before shaking his head. “I- I thought it was a dream.” 

She smiles back at him sympathetically, “In all honestly, I did too when I first woke up. I just didn’t leap out of bed like a raptidon bit my backside. Though I do appreciate the view.” 

His face flushes as he glances down at his also unclothed form and scratches the back of his neck as he sits back down on the bed, “So where do we-” he starts to say before she wraps her arms around his shoulders and pulls him back onto the bed. 

“It’s been five years, I want to touch you while I can,” she admits as her hand splays across his chest, stroking the hair there.

He laughs quietly as his own hand lifts to stroke her cheek, “As much as I enjoy this, Rayne I need to know where this is going… I don’t want to allow myself to become… accustom to this again if you’re leaving in an hour.” 

“I mean, it’s up to you,” she says nervously, laying her head against his. 

“What do you mean by that? It’s my choice if you leave? What do you want?”

“Max, I want to stay here, with you. But if you want me to leave, I’ll leave,” she spills out, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. 

“What about the crew? Your contracts? The Unreliable?”

“All the crew have moved onto new things,” her hand drifts thoughtlessly across his chest. “Parvati is on The Groundbreaker with Junlei working, SAM went with her to help them out. Ellie is also assisting in the med bay on The Groundbreaker. Nyoka went back to Monarch contracts and took Felix with her. So it’s just been me and ADA for awhile, running contracts for SubLight. The ship is at the nearest docking pad right now.” 

“You’ve been running SubLight contracts alone?” he demands, his brow furrowing. “Do you want to be killed?”

“I didn’t really care to be honest,” she admits softly, her hand falling from his chest. 

“What do you mean you didn’t care?” He lifts himself onto one arm to look at her face. “You didn’t care if you died?”

A sad smile crossed her face as she stared up at the ceiling above her. “My family died on Earth over seventy years ago. My crew went their separate ways. I sent away the person I loved. And everyone else in Halcyon just knows Alex Hawthorn, how can she solve our problems today.” Her eyes flicker over to his own, “I was just making money to pay for necessities and had all the rest set to be divided between the crew. Didn’t know how much I’d have when I passed so I just went equal on it, whether it was 10 bits or 10,000 bits a piece.”

“You were planning on dying on SubLight mission and giving all of us your money?” he asks, his voice sounding strained. “Why didn’t you just come to one of us? Parvati would have taken you in, Ellie would have, Felix and Nyoka would have gladly… you could have come to me at any time I would have let you in.” 

“I have,” she says simply, looking at his strained expression. “I spent years thinking about you day and night, telling myself I don’t deserve to be back in your life, to leave you alone. But now here I am. I gave it a chance. I decided I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn’t apologize and tell you how I feel.” 

His hand cups her cheek turning her face toward him with more force than intended, his expression mixed as his gaze searches her face. He finally pulls her in closer to himself, resting her head against his chest, and wrapping his arms around her frame. 

They lay in silence for several minutes as she listens to his rapid heartbeat against her ear before a droplet falls onto her face and rolls down her nose. 

“Max?” she asks hesitantly. “Are you cry- are you ok?” She tries to look up at his face, but he holds her in their current position. 

“I don’t know what I would have done,” he exhales shakily. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, one day I could have had some fucking person on my doorstep telling me you died all alone law knows where and left me some bits,” he seethes. “That I spent five years sitting here thinking about going and finding you, trying to work things out, just fucking talk to you, and you died because you were alone. Something I could have prevented. I sat here and waited for either nothing or you to come here yourself.”

“I’m here now,” she says softly, her arm draping over his side and stroking his back. 

“And you’re staying here,” he mumbles, his face buried in her hair. 

“Really?” she asks hopefully. “You’re sure you want me to stay here?” 

“Either you’re staying here or I’m going with you,” he says simply, his hand stroking her back. “Evidently what I said on Edgewater still stands.” 

“What do you mean by that?” she pushes herself up and partially out of his embrace to finally see his face. 

A small smile crosses his features as he shakes his head, “You evidently still need a grownup around to take care of you.” 

Her eyes widen at his comment, “Hey I can take care of-” she tries to say before his lips land on hers.

A happy hum comes from her as his lips move against hers, his scent overwhelming her senses once again. His face pulls away from her suddenly, leaving her leaning forward with a slightly dazed expression.

“You were saying?” he asks teasingly. 

She scowls before laughing as her head lays back against his chest, “I suppose that doesn’t sound too bad.”


End file.
